maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
