Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
