Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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