I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
