I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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