He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
