I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
