If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
