i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
