I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize