fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize