Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
