I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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