if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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