so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
