Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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