i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
