I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
