Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
BRING THE BAGELS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
