Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
