he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
