shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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