Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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