If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize