you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
