he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
