All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
