Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
