Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
