Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize