As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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