you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
