Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
