Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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