Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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