I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
