have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
