i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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