you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
