god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
