We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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