guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My pussy is not your playground.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
