Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
