Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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