I must be too annoying 4 u.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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