i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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