The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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