I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
