I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
