If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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