his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
