I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
