Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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