Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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