im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
