Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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