I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
