I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
